Hus-Banned

Groom-A-Saurus Rex here! But please, call me GAR for short. After all this is a medium that, in and of itself, brings us closer together. Let’s slide away from that formal “usted” over to a comfy “tú”. Anyway, I thought I’d hijack (with permission of course) a moment of my love’s blog. Here is my disclaimer: Groom-A-Saurus Rex can in no way promise that what you are about to venture into will be as well-written, -thought-out and/or as witty as your very own Hard Hat Bride. However, GAR can promise that you will absolutely without a doubt experience words on a computer screen.

So, I’m very excited about our upcoming nuptials. Just the thought of it makes me giddy about our life, our wedding day and “I dos!” and of course the planning. The planning you say? Could it be? A groom that is actually excited to be involved in this part of the journey? I certainly did not think I was the only one with this sentiment. That is, until I threw some wheels on this excitement and rode around with my bride-to-be.

Now, I get it, I truly do. I’ve seen movies, television shows, commercials, and even the accidental novella on Univision while flipping through channels. Everything “wedding” is designed for the bride-to-be. What I didn’t realize was that the very same population would also define your very own GAR as … well … nothing, absolutely nothing. I honestly think that most places do not know what to do with me. So what if I haven’t dreamed about how this day would look since I was a wee child. What’s it to you that I don’t own a scrapbook filled with textiles, calligraphy samples, venues, menus, plate settings, napkins, vows, colors, accent colors, colors to accent the accent colors, and … well you get the point. Honestly, is there anything more selfish than to look at the one you are about to marry and say, “Listen, I really appreciate the whole spending the rest our lives together thing, but I think this partnership stuff should begin after the wedding cause … I’ve got this”. I guess the message to stores, vendors, families and friends here is that celebrating a union usually includes two people.

I could rivet you with stories of everything that has happened so far, but sometimes a taste is better. Here is my top 3 list of, “Really??" (please don't sue me Seth Meyers, though I believe I made this up first along with that SNL sketch with Parnell and Katan where they act out song lyrics as a dance)

#3: “Look at me Look at me!” 10 minutes talking to a vendor we are super excited to meet. Great! Right? Maybe, if this vendor even bothered to acknowledge me. He did once when I posed a question. Granted, he fielded the question wonderfully … just not to me. It was a weird sensation to have no acknowledgement, but something I would soon get used to experiencing … repeatedly.
**Um, but, don’t you see me standing right next to her? Really??

#2: “It’s all about the bride.” I now cringe every time I hear this phrase. My recommendation? If you would like to hear this over and over again go to a bridal show and give an opinion. The look of scorn and detestation I was met with as a “meddling groom” is now permanently etched in my brain. Sometimes they’ll try to cover up their disdain by throwing in a giggle and a wink. Luckily my bride-to-be that has the same cringing reaction I do.
**So, you assume I don’t care about our wedding day too? Really??

#3: “Can you please direct me to the nearest men’s room?” Shopping with the bride for a wedding dress is something that I wouldn’t necessarily expect everyone to be on board with. You know those people that think that weddings still take place in the 1930’s. Let’s call them the Traditionals and it’s not just vendors. I’ve heard little comments here and there, but I’ll keep what I think of those people to myself to protect their self-esteem AND I digress. So we went to this bridal dress shop where the assistant wasn’t a Traditional (she was quite nice), but the store was. I needed to use the little boys’ room and thought to myself, “Hey, I’m the only guy in here. They must have the cleanest men’s room around”. To my chagrin, they had no men’s room at all. I had to place my hand over the “Wo” just to feel comfortable walking in there.
**So the bathroom sign that only says “women” was cheaper? Really?? You know “unisex” has the same number of letters.

Now, I’ve experienced marginalization due to age, minority status, etc. You know, all the big ones. But as a groom? I did not expect this. Regardless, I’m going to continue to be a part of our day because I love our life and I love my wife (to be). So I would like to make a motion to lift the ban, remove the shackles, and move that Ghostbuster’s symbol that rests all-too-comfortably on top of the idea that grooms should not have meaningful opinions between the engagement and the big show. So no more “Hus-Banned”. Let’s alter that to “Hus-It’s so wonderful that you’re sharing this experience with your partner”. What? I told you I couldn’t promise wittiness.