Friday, August 26, 2011


I’m about to say something I never thought was possible – twice this week I visited a craft supply store. And *gulp* I’ll be going there again at least once this weekend.

In fact, every night this week I’ve been curling up with markers, ribbon, stickers, tape and paper cutters. Oh sure, maybe this would make sense if I had children … or if I was a Kindergarten teacher … or was one of those people who has entire rooms in their home devoted to scrapbooking. But, in fact, I can claim none of these things to be true. And while I appreciate the fact that many people are good at being crafty – heck, homespun goods are totally chic right now – I have to admit that I am not the type of person who you would ever expect to see yielding a glue gun (yes, I do own one now but I have not yet dared to remove it from its packaging – it’s just staring me down … mocking me and my fear to attempt to use it).

You see – I hate this stuff. Just the idea of setting foot in a Michaels gives me hives. All those rows and rows of stencils, stamps, knick knacks, beads and faux flowers make me shudder. And glitter? GAR has long forbidden that vile substance for coming anywhere near our home (he calls it the “herpes of craft supplies” – once you get it on you it ain’t comin’ off). No, my friends, these twisted, tangled, worthlessly un-artistic hands of mine are far too unskilled (and, frankly, uninterested) in completing any sort of DIY type art projects.

And yet, here I am, whiling away my second-to-last Friday night as a single lady assembling crafty table numbers, programs and place cards. What has happened to me?

My wedding – that’s what happened. And, like it or not, if you plan on getting married you’re going to have to get your hands a little dirty (with wayward Sharpie marks, super glue and smudged printer ink). It’s not just the fact that we’re cheap that has caused this last-minute DIY frenzy (though, yes, we are cheap … though we prefer the term “frugal” or “fiscally responsible”). Whenever possible we have purchased things pre-made (even if they were pre-made by someone on Etsy – a website that sells mainly homemade crafts). But with a lot of our rock & roll ideas being things that you don’t generally see at a wedding, it quickly became clear that if we wanted to make our vision into a reality, we were going to have to do it ourselves.

And so here I am – Martha Stewart in training. Now how I do I get the millions of dollars in endorsement money? Can I get my own line of paint? A Topless Christmas Special (if you didn’t get that joke I highly recommend that you catch up on the comedic work of “Saturday Night Live” star Ana Gasteyer)? Because, let me tell you, once I’ve got her amount of fame and fortune I’m never lifting another BeDazzler again!

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