If you couldn’t tell by last post, I’m not the type of gal who’s particularly impressed by “macho” men (though I do greatly enjoy the song “Macho Man,” and I saw the Village People in concert this weekend so I’m still pumped from that – whoo!) In fact, while I wrote about some ways in which some parents are failing their sons by raising them to be too aggressive, too bullyish and, well, just too “dickish” in general, I could write volumes upon volumes more about the ways in which parents fail their daughters who are inexplicably attracted to this sort of Neanderthal, chest-banging “protector” of a man.
So, obviously, I’m more the type of woman who appreciates the softer, kinder, dare I say delicate, aspects of men. As a modern, strong, independent woman I’ve never felt I needed a man to be my savior in any way, and I’m strongly turned off by any man I view as domineering or controlling in any manner (clearly I did NOT see what all the fuss was about with the “50 Shade of Grey” series). But, okay, I’ll admit it, this has led me to really make some piss poor decisions in my dating life as well. Instead of dating strong, masculine, corporate ladder climbing assholes I spent far too many years schlepping along with some real (for lack of a more politically correct way of saying this) mamby pamby losers. I overcorrected in many ways and wasted years dating men who were simply too much of a pushover, who lacked drive of any kind, who not only didn’t stand up for me, but who didn’t stand up for themselves long enough to not be totally walked all over, who were too “sensitive” and, worst of all, I dated oh so many mama’s boys.
In addition to hearing everyone tell me that boys are so “easy” to raise, people also tell me all the time that it’s great I’m having a boy because “boys love their mamas!” Awww… Well isn’t that so true? But, I mean, doesn’t (most) every child love his/her mother? Granted, I think during some of my teenage years my mother wasn’t really seeing (or hearing) the love from me, but it was still there. Perhaps boys appear to love their mamas so much more because, as I said in my last post, moms tend to go a little easier on their sons than their daughters. Case in point (to use a reference that, if you’re of my generation, you should easily identify with): On “90210,” when Brandon tells his parents he lost his virginity his Dad takes him out for a game of friendly basketball, has a brief chat with him where he loosely mentions being responsible and then, essentially, gives him a congratulatory pat on the back. Flash forward to the episode where these same parents learn that Brenda is sleeping with her boyfriend and, instead of taking her out for a manicure and some “girl talk” about being responsible, they threaten to file statutory rape charges against her boyfriend Dylan for sleeping with her (with her consent). Well, gee, if I was Brandon I sure would “love” my mama/dada a heck of a lot more than Brenda was “lovin’” her parents at that moment.
While certainly I want my son to love me and, selfishly, I would not so secretly love it if he did grow up to be a complete and utter mama’s boy (oh I know, no woman could ever live up to ME darling … now let me make you your favorite spaghetti that only I know how to make the way you really like it), I know that I’d be doing a great disservice to him (and to his future wife – or husband, I don’t want to make any assumptions) if I didn’t try to steer him somewhere down the middle … to help him grow up to become someone that’s neither a complete macho man or a wimpy, unable to let go of my dress hem, mama’s boy.
At the risk of inflating GAR’s ego to epic proportions, I essentially want to our son to grow up to be just like his Dad. While I suppose this is where some boys go wrong (with the whole “no son of mine is going to play with dolls! Stop crying – men don’t cry!” type of “be a man like your father” mentality), our child should be so lucky as to grow up to be just like Dad – intelligent, independent, thoughtful, rational, successful, strong and a really fantastic husband. GAR is soft and mushy in all the “right” ways while still being smart, forceful when necessary, passionate about important things, and towing that line between steamrolling others to get what he wants without managing to get walked all over by anyone. Thankfully our son will have GAR around to be this great example for him (even if he will pick up some really terrible tv watching habits as well – I mean, all-day viewing sessions of “Maury?” … And I may never, ever get to live in a house where the toilet seats are put back to their correct position – 4+ years of training and I still haven’t gotten my way on that one). And with GAR serving as a great male role model maybe I can spend more of my time just focusing on, you know, making sure my son is the kind of boy who fits the cliché and really does “love his mama!” (within healthy limits, of course).
And maybe we’ll also be a little stereotypical and get him playing football too (or, if GAR gets his way, rugby … just like his Dad played in college). It couldn’t hurt. After all, the first thing every sports star does when he makes it big is buy his mama a house, right? But don’t worry, in the spirit of keeping him well rounded we’ll also teach him chess and enroll him in ballet (or, again, if he really wants to be like Dad he’ll take tap lessons so they both can “shuffle off to buffalo” together), okay?
If our son does grow up to be like his Dad he could be a published author...
A doctor (of the brain, like Dad ... or simply handy at home improvement - after all, he'll certainly be making LOTS of trips to Home Depot with us over the years) ...
Or maybe he'll be athletic, even if he is a little on the "short" side like his Dad ...
But not afraid to flaunt some awesome moves on the dance, or roller skating, floor ...
And mock sophisticated enough to enjoy a cheap glass of wine while dressed in a sports coat and t-shirt with a tie painted onto it ...
Terrific!
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